Episode 4: The Invisible Load: Why You’re So Exhausted
The Invisible Load: Why You're So Exhausted
Ever feel completely drained at the end of the day, but can't quite put your finger on why? You've checked all the boxes on your to-do list, yet somehow you still feel mentally and emotionally spent. In our latest episode of The Pursuit of Happy Well, we dive deep into what might be the hidden culprit behind your exhaustion: the invisible load.
What Is the Invisible Load?
The invisible load is the unseen mental and emotional labor involved in planning, remembering, and managing life's logistics. It's not the physical tasks themselves—like doing laundry or attending meetings—but rather the constant internal chatter and cognitive effort required to keep everything running smoothly.
As Kristen explains, "It's not like the tasks of cleaning your house, going to your job, doing the dishes, taking out the trash. That's a visible load... We're talking about the emotional and mental cognitive load behind the scenes."
This invisible burden is precisely why you might find yourself lying awake at night, running through mental to-do lists, or feeling overwhelmed despite not having done anything particularly strenuous.
The Staggering Statistics
How significant is this invisible load? According to research we discussed in the episode, the average woman spends approximately 520 hours per year on invisible labor. That's nearly 22 full days annually spent on mental and emotional work that often goes unacknowledged!
How It Shows Up in Daily Life
The invisible load manifests in countless ways:
Mental Fatigue: Your brain operates like a computer with too many tabs open—constantly processing information, remembering deadlines, coordinating schedules.
Emotional Labor: The responsibility of maintaining relationships, managing family dynamics, and ensuring everyone's emotional needs are met.
Decision Fatigue: The endless small decisions required to keep a household or workplace functioning smoothly.
Anticipatory Planning: Constantly thinking ahead—what needs to be prepared for dinner? Who needs to be where tomorrow? What birthday gift needs to be purchased next week?
As Scott notes, "It's the mental behind the logistics." And this mental strain isn't limited to home life—it extends into our professional lives too, especially for entrepreneurs, teachers, healthcare providers, and others in roles that don't easily allow you to "clock out" mentally.
The Ripple Effect
Left unchecked, the invisible load creates a domino effect:
Physical Symptoms: Chronic fatigue, tension headaches, disrupted sleep patterns
Emotional Indicators: Irritability, withdrawal, depression
Relationship Strain: Resentment, communication breakdown, what we call "silent quitting" in marriages
Burnout: Complete mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion
"When nobody knows it's the unseen labor," Kristen points out, "then we have unseen feelings, the person feels unseen. And then I think this is where that person might be like, 'I am unappreciated here.'"
Generational Differences
Interestingly, the invisible load looks different depending on your life stage:
Millennials: Juggling young children, career advancement, possibly a side hustle, all while navigating an increasingly expensive world
Gen X: Often referred to as the "sandwich generation," simultaneously raising teenagers while caring for aging parents—double the invisible load
How to Lighten the Invisible Load
So what can we do about this hidden burden? Here are some practical strategies we discussed:
1. Name It to Tame It
The first step is awareness—you can't address what you can't identify. Take inventory of all the mental and emotional labor you're carrying. Write down not just the physical tasks but the mental energy associated with them.
2. Communicate
Once you've identified your invisible load, communicate it—but mindfully. Approach the conversation not from a place of blame but from a desire for partnership:
"This isn't about issuing a complaint to the HR department of your home," Kristen explains. "This is, 'I'm tired, here's the things I'm carrying, and maybe there's things you're carrying that I don't know about, but I can't continue on in this way.'"
3. Leverage Technology and Systems
Use shared calendars so everyone can see what's happening
Create reminders and alarms for recurring tasks
Utilize meal planning apps or AI tools to reduce decision fatigue
Consider family management apps that allow task delegation
4. Establish Boundaries
Be clear about who's responsible for what—and what happens when plans change. Having predetermined protocols for when "life happens" reduces the cognitive load of on-the-spot problem-solving.
5. Practice Mental Offloading
End each day by writing down everything that's on your mind—what we call a "clear intent" exercise. Getting it out of your head and onto paper frees up mental bandwidth.
6. Reassess Standards
Sometimes the invisible load is made heavier by unrealistic expectations. Ask yourself: "Are my standards too high? What can I let go of?"
7. Prioritize Rest and Play
Counterintuitively, the busier you are, the more you need rest and play. "I've even heard that the more productive or busy you are, inversely, the more play you actually need to actually improve your performance," Kristen notes.
Moving Forward
The invisible load doesn't have to remain invisible—or unbearable. By bringing awareness to this hidden dimension of our lives, communicating our needs, and creating systems that support rather than overwhelm us, we can begin to lighten the burden.
Remember, as Kristen says in the episode, "The invisible load only stays unseen when your needs are unspoken."
Join the Movement
Ready to redefine what success and happiness look like for you?
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts
Follow on Spotify
Watch full episodes on YouTube
Join the conversation on Instagram
Share with friends who are also questioning the standard success narrative
Remember, you're not just here to exist—you're here to thrive. Keep going, keep growing, and join us next time on The Pursuit of Happywell.
About Your Hosts
Scott and Kristen built a $20+ million business before realizing that traditional success metrics weren't telling the whole story. They've coached thousands through both business and life transformations, learning firsthand that the path to fulfillment isn't what social media portrays. Based in Colorado with their two kids and two dogs, they bring authentic conversations about what actually creates a well-lived life in today's complex world.
Follow us on social! Kristen’s Instagram | Scott’s Instagram
Join our growing Podcast Community NOW 2.5K and climbing
